| Dont want to write [ Sept. 30, 2004 ] |
I guess one writes in a journal if they feel the need to communicate. Now that school started, I don't feel any need to communicate, I get enough of that all day.
| Buses and girlfrriends [ Sept. 29, 2004 ] |
Do I really look like I could be dating him? Well, never mind that I don't need to answer. I pictured it my head enough times. But really, he has a girlfriend, and second of all I don't think we even look light together. But when a little kid cam up and asked up quite sweetly, if I am his girlfriend, then at that time I guess we did look like a couple. And he said yes, maybe to humor the little kid, maybe he didn't know what else to say. But you know, he is actually right. I am his friend, and I am a girl.
You know I cam to a very funny situation today in the bus. I was sitting in one of those double seats when a guy sat beside me. So after a couple of stops, I realised I had to get up and ask the bus driver something. But then I thought, what do I do after? Do I come back to my old seat? Or do I stand, or do I find another seat? What is more polite to do? Would I offend the guy if I found another spot to seat it? Will it look like I am just making up and excuse to change seats? So I sat there and thought of that, the tought that he just wouldn't give a shit never crossing my mind. I never did get up and ask that driver anything.
| There you go, an entry [ Sept. 27, 2004 ] |
My computer was taken away to be re gutted, while I celebrated Kenny's birthday and got drunk. Well even sincec a very unfortunate incident at the rugby party back in May, I have lost most of my taste for alcohol. So I was buzzed and sleepy, and quite misarable becuase of my growing cold. While the kinds got drunk and played naughty games on the carpet in the living room. I took pictures as the resident photographer and the most sober chick in the place. Thought it would be a nice thing to show them after they sobered up. But ofcource I didn't think, and didn't transfer photos when I got home right away becuase my computer was gone. So my parents used the cmaera since then. So what. I would hate to think that they saw the pics I took. Lets hope they are hopeless at technology. Right.
I didn't realise how happy I am now that my computer can play movies without having a spaz. I have so many good movies downloaded, and I wasn't able to watch them before. I have HP and the chamber of secrets. I should watch it before I go to sleep, will be a good laugh. Unless there is something on showcase tonight. God I love showcase.
To celebrate the happiness of my computer's return I started a 40 chapter fic. And who are those people who say I don't read. Do you realise that if I didn't read fanfiction, I would have read so many good and usefull books by now. It makes me sick actaully. But I comfort myself that by the time I grow out of fanfiction (I highly doubt that actaully) I will be so used to reading, I will still read the same amount, but of more "usefull" literature.
Dude, I want my Gocard. I bet I look terrible. I don't even rember what I was wearing that day. Hm I wonder if anyone ever took a gocard picture in a winter jacket. I hope it rains next year on picture day. So I can wear my furry jacket. I wonder if the picture person will let me.
You know what's good about keeping a journal. I can cook up a creative essay at the snap of my fingers. I don't even have to make a draft. Sentances just come streaming into my head. And I write and write and then teacher tell me they love my style, while I don't bloody even have a style but just write what a bloody feel like writing. They say they like roughness of my writing. The sharp edges of my sentance. Well bug news to me. I say it's still bull.
| Bleh. [ Sept. 27, 2004 ] |
Nothing on my mind. Just happy enough to read my HP smut again.
| Yay [ Sept. 27, 2004 ] |
Thank god I got my computer back. Woppe! But now I got to bloody reinstall everything. Merph.
| Alivvee~ [ Sept. 22, 2004 ] |
Not dead. Virgin martinis rock. Learning flash sucks.
Football team and a handfull of other loners who need a free haircut shaved their heads for cancer today. Yes, it's a tradition in our school that people decide to shave their heads and collect pledges and on September 22end, in our shcool gym, to corny music, they get their heads shaved. It's a good cause. This year around 60 guys got their head shaved. Mostly the football team. Raised almost six grand.
I think it's sexy. The whole "we are so good we are raising money for cancer" football players. I bet in reality they are thinking "Hey cool in a month when my hair grows back it's going to be nice and lush~" Hey it could happen. Hah I wonder what the team that they are playing on friday is going to think about the whole bloody team being bald. Wouldn't that be a laugh. Far from the bleacher, I couldn't even tell apart who was who, they all look the same bald. And in their same looking jersies. Jeez. But yes as I said again, I think it's damn sexy. And Ty is sexy. And damn right I want to date him. And that's why I am going to suck up to her gay loving, fanfic reading sister. Well that would be easy, cuase I like her already anyways. Tehhe. I signed up to the yearbook cometiee btw. Yep. Duno why. Thought it would be fun fun fun. What ever she is there and it will sharpen my photoshop skills.
It's so strange. I find myself likeing this guy. Ok that's not THAT strange, but I never EVER thought he was my type. He is kinda dorky. I mean he is my computer tech class, knows tons about Flash and all that dorky computer shit. But I duno, that's not the first guy I am attracted to in that class. Oh my god I think dorkiness turns me on. But what can I do I like guys with atleast some brains. And I like guys who can be interested in same stuff as me. And that is sports and computer stuff... Wait..wait... OH I KNOW. There is a football player in my computer tech class! Oh WAIT. There are TWO! And one rugby player. Well the last two are computer illiterate. Too bad. But omfg. I am atrracted to dorks.
I want to go to an English pub! My dad said he will take me to one kinda close by. I never been to an English pujb before! Omg! British guys.. *squee* Shesh, I guess I would want to jump dorky British guys wouldn't I. Now that's just sad.
COmputer not fixed yet. I knew this was going to happen. Always like a year after we actually planned it.
| Face and hair [ Sept. 21, 2004 ] |
I have a hair problem. It's very dry. I can't help it I tried everything, but my hair just generally looks like dry dry hair. So when we were standing by the door and waiting for the bell to ring, and some cow came up to me, feeling the ends of my hair and exclaiming "Omg! Your hair is so dry!" I was not amused. So I automatically snapped back a reply. "Yea and your face is soo ugly" And there was silence. Everyone just stared. And then they laughed. She just huhffed and stalked off. Damn right bitch no one calls my hair dry and gets away with it. ;) By the way, her face was ugly.
| Ramblings [ Sept. 20, 2004 ] |
I was standing in my shower, chasing one of those huge mosquitoes with a shower spray informing it that it will die. Sounded something like this "You are going to drown, you are going to drown! Nyah nyah nyahnyaaahhaaa" I found that strange and unusual.
Yay Harry Potter keeps me sane. It's true. Only doodles of horny!Draco and slut!Harry keep me sane during class. Oh and some promice of slashy fics when I get home. Oh you know what's also fun? My cropped Harry Potter audio books on my mp3 player. All of the sudden house chores became much more fun. I can now merrily vacume the whole bloody house listening to some old guy trying to imitate Hermione's "Harrrry~~~~~~~~~~!!!"
But it's true. Atleast my obsessions keep me relatively sane. Or maybe not sane, but calmed and proper in my little world. Atleast I don't try to off myself becuase the world doesn't give a shit about you. Just like it should. Booo bloody hoo.
One of my friends if ready to off herself you know. Wll she is not exactly a friend. More like a school person you say hi becuase you are expected. But I read in her journal. By mistake actually. It's not that I don't care. Its just I know she woun't do it. She is one of those good geeky girls gone bad. From straight A's down to not doing any homework. Kind riding her old credability. But hey, can't blame her. Old credability is a spiffy little thing.
Some sick obsession with Harry Potter icons. Woohoo. Saved like hundereds already. not brave enough to try my own. What's the point it's all been done before. While with wallpapers I can atleast pretend to be original, icons it's all the same old thing. I guess I should learn to make the animated ones. Could come usefull in the future.
Another thing, it seems like everyone has Sims 2! That makes me soo depressed. I want the vloody game too. And since my computer is getting a nice regutting in the next couple of days, I hope it would be able to handle the four disk monster. (Yes that's right no compy for a day or too *gasp* waht am I to do? Listen to my audio books ofcource! Teehee!) And then I can go crazy with my Harry and Draco look alike sims! Yay! Maybe soon someone will get around to actaully learn how to skin Sims two and come up with a deececent Harry and Draco. I hope. They better actually look pretty. I dont need some angly looking boys.
Ohh read the funnies Harry Potter parody. Harry Potter in 15 minutes. The third movie parody. Read it now! It rocks my socks. Plus it has whole bunch of icons that are made based on it. What could be better.
| Slash is baaaaaddddd [ Sept. 19, 2004 ] |
Slash is bad. Slash is bad. Slash is bad. Slash is bad. Slash is bad. Slash is bad slash is bad slashisbad slashisbadslashisbadslashisbadd...... Need to go study! STUDY! Wah. Two tests tomoorow, didnt study for ither. Fuck this.
| Sims 2!!!! [ Sept. 18, 2004 ] |
I want Sims 2. I really want Sims 2. Ok, I REALLY want the damn game. I need fifty bucks first. And and a faster processor. Damn. Omg, I REALLY WANT THE STUPID GAME. Then I can lock myself up in my room with the damn thing. But omg, I've never wanted any computer game so badly. What the fuck? I HATER computer games. Damn damn damn. I can just see all the slashy Harry Potter sim stories forming themselves in my little sick mind. Teheheh. Damn I need fifty bucks. DAMN.
| Hundred bucks on enjoyment [ Sept. 17, 2004 ] |
Music drives us. Music makes us move. Music relly rocks my world you know =P Yes, I got my mp3 player. Went around a couple of the stores, but everything was too expencive. Went to Radioshack becuase I looked up the players on their site for $99.99, and nice 128mb ones.When I got there, they were all 140 and plus. What the fuck? So I grabbed the first comuter and went to their site and ofcource, there were the same players fourty bucks cheaper. So I grab one of them teenage punks working there. After some some "Uhh.. umm well like uhh....let me get my manager.." from him, the manager (really fucking hot!) smiled politely, and sold it for me 99 bucks. His smile looked more like 'I'm just smiling becuase other way I will get fired but really I want to kick you out' What ever. I got my silver baby for fourty bucks cheaper. My friend just laughed and shook her head. THat manager was really hot though.
| Achoo [ Sept. 17, 2004 ] |
Oh Oh Oh! Going to pick out my mp3 player! How exiting. Not really. I think I'm just exited abiout buying something new. Like I always am.
It think I really will like gr 11. I actually think it's going to be fun. Becuase atleast now teachers treat us like half grown up, not immature brats like we are. Plus alot of new people in the shcool from the neighbouring middle school. Lots of opportunaties to manipulate... er I mean make new friends.
| Permanent slushy print [ Sept. 16, 2004 ] |
THere is this very strange irony in the air. My dad asked for some paper earlier that atleast had one white side so he could layer the matted plastic glass of our new cealing so the dark wooden beams wouldnt go through. And I found some of my old print outs. Some old printouts of Harry Potter slash fics! Smutty slash fics! Hehhe. And now they are in our new cealing. Isn't that awsome? You know what's even greater? That ten minutes after he put in the sheets, the cealing collapsed.
| Music makes my ears [ Sept. 15, 2004 ] |
Woop happy music! I think I just have discovered Lenny Kravitz. Oh and the Jets, but I already knew all abouuuut them.
Some of the bands and singers I like (no particular order):
The Jets, Lenny Kravitz, JunkieXL, Badly Drawn Boy, Billy Talent, Dido, Garbage, K-Os, Marylin Manson, Blink 182, Rammstein, Maroon 5, The Vines, Black Eyed Peas, Teaparty, Prodigy, Outcast, Schooter, D12, Smashmouth, Beetles,
Listening to: Get Free - The Vines
Feeling: sleepy and like crap
| Job job job! [ Sept. 15, 2004 ] |
I went to apply for a job today with Kenny. The bread Garden. What the fuck is that? I didn't really know untill she brought me there. A nice little cafe. With nice little people in it. Comfy interior and a very comforting sign out in the front: "Would you like to join us? We are looking for YOU to work for US!" Now I thought, with a sign like that I feel much better. So we came in, got our applications and settled down. And filled them out, and talked nice, and smiled, while really wantting just scream "For fucks sake just bloody hire me already." But ofcource we didn't, and smiled some more. WEll we'll see how that turns out.
I think I am PMSing. I always know it. I get all bloody moody and weepy and pissy. And then I want to call my ex. Now really. That bloody thing. No pun intended. Got into a fight with my mom about my room. Again, ofcource as I said before, they have already decided against the old version. And ofcource when she told me, whil I was silent in my self congratulations, she took that as me throwing a tantrum again. I was already bitchy as hell, and i just told her to get the hell out. And in a nutshell thast I love my dad more then her. And then she told me I will get no more money from her. Don't we have a nice relationship?
| Not so bad after all [ Sept. 14, 2004 ] |
Woosh! It's not so bad afterall! I have made some split descisions all in one moment. Not going to bother with volleyball this year and will go find a job instead. For some reason doesnt make me feel so trtapped. And I studied my physics for my rewrite and everything doesn't seem so bad at all! And now I am freezing, but I dragged a huhge honeywell heater into my room and now it is heating everything and it's not so freezing anymore. And you know, the list really helped. And I reallly want an mp3 player and to download some music! xD yay
| Stress anyone? [ Sept. 13, 2004 ] |
Well ladies and gents, yesteday I vowed I will layoff fromm slash fiction for a while and ofcource guess what I was doing all evening. Reading them ofcource. Drats. I could have been so much more usefull things. Talking about usefull things. Stupid little voice in the back of my head. Keeps bugging the HELL out of me. I have so much crap going around in my head I feel like I'm going to go nuts. I am making a list and that's it. Yeh, that's the plan. Lists always make me feel better about it. I hope I dont end up like some strressesd little teen on drugs wondering what the hell they are going to do with their life.
I feel so clean. One of those crazy shower days where I waste all the hot water and come out smelling like the frigging flower garden.
Got my nifty printer connected up and everything. Now I can print niftt little things out and use all my cartriges! That baby busts some nice quality prints let me tell you. Just need some photograph paper and I am all set to go. Tehhe.
| Downtown window shopping. [ Sept. 12, 2004 ] |
You know what, if I wasnt such a fic junkie, I would have read so much more usefull books it's not even funny. I mean lets see, I averege read about 2000-3000 pages a week during the summer, and that's only on the computer. I am sure I could have gone about 500 more if I was reading portable books. Now during school the reading ofcource is cut down to about 700 pages per week, but still. That's like a book on the averege. I was pondering about that today on the way back, and I think I have decided to take a fanfiction break. I'm getting tired of slash anyways, and I don't want to loose interest completlt is I over do it. Besides, the new English textbook is absolutly awsome, with short parts of book printed via topics. That way I can copy out titles I find interesting enough to look into further.
The homework was to read the first little story of three pages, and I have already gone three quarters of a book. I have a feeling I am going to be done this in a week again. Just like always, finishing a school reading novel on the first weekend, and then sleeping therough the rest of the two month our class "reads" it.
You know what's fun? Dress up. With people. I never realised that when I was a kid. I think my minds subcontiously is trtrying to compinsate for loosing out when I was small. We had a couple of free hours in the middle of the day, so me and my friends hit the downtown shops. We ofcource ended up on the most expencive and fashinable street (not my fault I swear) and went into random shops. And then it happened. One of the girls said the sacred words. She asked me to pick for her something to try on.
Now most of my friends know I have pretty good taste. And more then once they have see it and were reasured. And it's not becuase I'm special or anything. It's just an artist thing I guess. I often do the girl's make up and help them out during shopping, but now I had the total power. I had the two girls try on outfits. Lets just say they loved them. Andhe did too. Yes, him. My past ex, my past crush and now a vry very good friend who I love dearly and not at all jealous of him dating my other friend. Stupid bitch. Anyways.
So when next we went into Le Chatou, and he went right through the female section into the male, I was quite suprised. And then he said it. Dress me up. I was like wha....? He just shrugged and said he thought I had a very good sence of fashion and he would trust me and put on anything I would give him. So to my utter delight and the rest of my friends' utter horror, we spent about three hours in that store trying on clothes on him. Let's just say he is fun to dress up. VERY good looking, good built, sexy hair, and generally versitle and comfortable with his sexuality, he made the best male modle for me. I hot him try on different pants and different dress shirt with different jackets and he even ended up absolutly loving one pair of jeans I picked out for him and a black dress shirt. (I thought he looked absolutly gorgeous) So I was happy, he was happy, my friends were almost crying after the tree hours. So me and him eagerly made plans for the next weekend to go suit trrying on. Can you say OMFG? OMFG! I always thought he would look dead gorgeous in a suit, so now I actually got to pick the clothes? My fream come true. Plus an eyefull of a hot guy in good clothes. btw, this lustness is purly friendly. I swear. I love dress people up and him and another girl love getting dressed up. Perfect combo. Ohhh this is so exiting! I knew that fashion designing gene was going to resurface now or later. Now the best part was the fact we were all peniless.
| A moment of silence [ Sept. 11, 2004 ] |
I'm tired of pretending and telling people I do not want a relationship. It's not true. I mean the fact that I dont want some one week flame and all those problems and all the weirdness is true. But I do crave for something I guess. I do not need a guy to make me happy. But I think it would help. It would be nice to be in a long term relationship.
Two memorials in two days. How sad. September 11th and September 12th. Both productions of terrorism. How very very sad.
Decisison: Saving up for am mp3 player. I'm tired of my MD.
| From stupidity to nerdness... [ Sept. 10, 2004 ] |
Dude, I'm falling asleep. No matter how much coffee I consume on a daily basis, it does not keep me awake. I think I'm immune.
Hah, you know what's sad? Our grade eleven boys. The football players I mean. Since advancing onto the senior team, they have become "cool". It's like weird one night transformation. Ah, hold that thought. They did not really became cool. They just think they did. Now they strot around the school in their little new uniforms and all.
The whole grade eleven expirience is quite strange. You know, there are no stupid people around. Oh ofcource they still exist, but not in my classes exactly. I mean between Enriched Socials studies, Physics, English and COmputer tech, there is not much space for no brains. Yes, of corce my English being a regular class (only for the fact that there is no Enriched English 11) there are odd four or five peanut sized brains around. But generally I am quite happy with smart people around in all my my classes.
Btw, I KNEW I should have taken Digital media. Damn. Computer history is really not the most exiting subject in the world.
| From stupidity to nerdness... [ Sept. 10, 2004 ] |
Dude, I'm falling asleep. No matter how much coffee I consume on a daily basis, it does not keep me awake. I think I'm immune.
Hah, you know what's sad? Our grade eleven boys. The football players I mean. Since advancing onto the senior team, they have become "cool". It's like weird one night transformation. Ah, hold that thought. They did not really became cool. They just think they did. Now they strot around the school in their little new uniforms and all.
The whole grade eleven expirience is quite strange. You know, there are no stupid people around. Oh ofcource they still exist, but not in my classes exactly. I mean between Enriched Socials studies, Physics, English and COmputer tech, there is not much space for no brains. Yes, of corce my English being a regular class (only for the fact that there is no Enriched English 11) there are odd four or five peanut sized brains around. But generally I am quite happy with smart people around in all my my classes.
Btw, I KNEW I should have taken Digital media. Damn. Computer history is really not the most exiting subject in the world.
| Who is putting the labels on who... [ Sept. 08, 2004 ] |
Two gay guys @ Starbucks...:
Me: Hi, grande iced charamel mochiato please.
Guy#1: Sure, coming up
Me looking at my friend
Me: (to her in russian) the seabus is coming in 4 mins
Me looking at the guy
Guy#1 taking his sweet time talking to some other guy while making my coffee
Friend looks at Guy#1 and then Guy#2
Friend: (in russian) he is sure taking his sweet time
Me: mhhhmm
Me and Friend look at Guys #1 and 2
Guy#1: (talking to Guy #2 in a real loud voice) You know what I really hate? I really hate when like people like label me.
Guy#1 and Guy#2 look at me.
Me: ... (thinking we're going to miss the bus)
Guy#2: I know! Oh MY god how annoying is that! (shakes his head agreeably at Guy#1)
Me: ... (thinking I really want my coffee)
Guy#1: When I see some disrespectful punk, I just like want to bash their face in
Guy#2 laughs
Friend: ...
Guy#1 and 2 laugh some more
Guy#1: Your grande iced caramel mochiato (pointed look)
Me: ... Thanks...
I shit you not.
| Bleeding hell [ Sept. 07, 2004 ] |
So my two friends broke up. So they got back together. So they fucked another girl over in the process. And all of this happened in the perioud of four days. Now, let me ask you.How pathetic are they?
I decided not to really get involved with this shit, becuase I don't want to.
My school schedule is pretty good so far. *crosses fingers* I hope it doesn't change much so I can keep my conciderably good teachers.
Me and my mother keep arguing about adding onto my room. It's really fucking stupid. Once we decide on something, and me and dad start planning it out and everything, she decided against it the next day! WHAT! I find that so annoying. What the fuck?
I'm supposed to go to sleep early today. Really. Even if I do realize I have to get up at bleeding seven in the morning tommorow. It's picture day. I have to atleast pretend I'm trying to look nice.
| Fears v2 [ Sept. 07, 2004 ] |
I never did think of my biggest fear. But I guess what if I had to choose for now, it would be the death of my loved ones. I don't want to suffer. Becuase my self, I am not afraid of death.
But maybe sometime in the future I will learn what is really my biggest dear.
| Crabbuckit [ Sept. 07, 2004 ] |
I feel good.
| Of fears and creeps [ Sept. 06, 2004 ] |
For the past couple of days, I've been thinking about fears. Now, me not being the most daring person in the world, I fear alot of things. Like walking through a dark street alone, ir falling of a ladder while I climb to my roof, or even tumbling off a trampline while I trry to do a flip. Or so I thought. These things, while I would really not like them happening to me, I am not really afraid of them.
For a very long time, I thought I was afraid of ending up alone. I thought that being alone was a good fear to have, a "safe" fear. It's was good, and understandable and quite reliable. But after hearing a line "and now this box will turn into your biggest fear" and I thought, what would my box turn into. And then I realized that I was not scared of loniliness and silence. I actaully gre to like it. I realized that I spend most of my time alone, and I often choose to be alone over a social event. I need my alone time, and I get very grumpy when I don't get that.
Now that brings me to a total different point. I like to spend most of my time reading. Sometimes that, rather then going out. I guess that makes me a dork. But since I not only read, I also read (gay) fanfiction, I am now an even bigger dork and a bit of a creep. Smile smile.
I guess I really don't know what is my biggest fear. Maybe if I think about it some more, I will come up with something. Or maybe I am just invincible, without fears and all. Smirk. Right.
| Coffee zombie [ Sept. 05, 2004 ] |
One of my recent "smart" ideas was to sleep as little as I could to stretch out the last days I have left before I will be swallowed whole by the student body. But I negelected one little detail. I frigging can't function without sleep. So after walking around like a zombie for the most part of the day, and suspecting that if I keep this up, eventaully I WILL pass out and not be able to wake up for school on tuesday. So. I am going to sleep, goodnight.
What the HELL did I do all summer?
| Sniff [ Sept. 04, 2004 ] |
Blarg, how I dislike sad, depressing things. Now I feel all weepy. It's enough that I cry at sad movies, now I have to cry at words too. Just fucking great. And all becuase of what? Becuase of a sad, angsty, love related, Romeo/Juliet styled fic. I was always a sucker for the I-love-you-and-then-I-die. It always did send me bawling like a baby. Forget about Titanic, I even cried when watching The Notebook, right in the theatre. Now how sad is that (no pun intended). Now I will be all weepy and moopy for the rest of the day. Bleh. Damn you Cinnamon, and your angst writing skills. I still have one more series to read by you.
| Erk, mornings..... [ Sept. 04, 2004 ] |
Freaking hell. Four hours of sleep is not good. Eyes full of fucking sand. That's what it feels like. Soon on my third cup of coffee. Mornings are really bleeding depressing.
I duno what to do with my wallpapers. I had so many from before. The ones that I made. And then I lost them all when my HD crashed. Need to poke around from my friends and get them all back. They are maybe not the best looking ones, but I sure spent hell of a time in Photoshop. I've realized it. Wallpapers is just like making layouts, but without the html. Sound like my cup of tea.
Bitchy people bring out the best in me. Really. A friend of ours came back from summer holidays, and while she wasn't there the whole summer, she missed alot of stuff. All the breaking up and getting togetheres. And she wasn't very supportive of some of the developments. Really. And it's like a damn broke loose. Together, rudness just flowed out of my mouth. I think I might have insulted the said couple. Need to call him and apologise later. I might be rude to the female half, but I rather like the guy, so might as well. When there was no one to bitch with, I just kept my indifferent silence. But when I have someone... It's awsome.
| Lasagnia [ Sept. 04, 2004 ] |
MMm lasagnia rocks my fucking socks.
| I am attracted to ASSHOLES [ Sept. 03, 2004 ] |
Arrogant Selfish Stuck up Hotheaded Overconfident Loudmouthed Egoistical Smartasses
If you fit the description above, please do give me a call
| Oranges [ Sept. 03, 2004 ] |
Ya know what? I like the colour orange.
| "I" [ Sept. 03, 2004 ] |
I am:
- bitchy most of the time
- a "born leader"
- selfish and self centered
- pretty lazy
- sly in many ways
- pretty damn artistic
- quite realiable when needed
- a total dork
I am not:
- perfect in any way
- nice to children and animals
- a hot bombshell
- going to be tricked into a job I hate
I need:
- a couple of years in therepy
- to be loved
- to get off my bum and do something
- my alone time
I do not need:
- to change
| New layout yay! [ Sept. 03, 2004 ] |
Omg. This layout has bled me dry. I've been going at this piecee of shit for about five hours. Myabe more. Blah. I didn't even read any fics today. Or drew in my HG journal. But seriously, I be this sucker doesn't even work on half of the browsers. But I don't care. I have no html skills what so ever and all that matter is how it looks on my compy. That's right.
You know what though? Grunging is lots and lots of fun. I promised a friend a nifty wallpaper after she saw this layout. I guess she likes grunge too. But that will be later... Much later...
Rammstein is addictive. It cuased this btw. Blarh. Oh and yay, I fixed my fonts, and downloaded alot of new brushes. What a photoshop filled day!
I will miss you, my greenish looking Draco layout~!
| Sexuality problems? [ Sept. 02, 2004 ] |
Well well well, all you little kiddies under 12 or what ever, if you read this, please stop now? Pretty please? Oh hell, who cares, but you have been warned.
I am horny. Yes, ladies and gents. I am after all a growing, healthy teenage girl. And I do think about sex. And alot. Not like every seven second or how ever often guy are supposed to think about it. I don't think about it that often. It's about every eight seconds for me. Oh don't look at me like that. I'm quite interested in my sexuality and everything that comes with it. But what have brought me to this topic you might wonder? Well, I was just asking myself, that if ofered, would I concider doing a threesome. Not now, you doofs. In the future maybe, when the time arrives. With another guy and a girl. No no to two guys. Although if they had some poufy tendencies I wouldn't object THAT much. But back to the topic. What brought me to ask this question you might ask? Well, nothing really, just some strtange thought.
I always suspected I wasn't disguisted by girls. I mean it's natural, I am no homophobe by far and being a russian doesn't really help much. Russian girls are very close. Very. We have no problems on acting out our affection for eachother. So kissing, handholding, parading around in nothing but underwear around eachother and occasional groping is very normal and natural. So ofcource as every russian girl, we are just one step away from flaming lesbians which are being attracted to the girls. Which I'm not. But that just brings me back to the original topic, which is that the thought of a threesome with a guy and another girl does not infact send me running for the hills. And ofcource preferable that girl should be pretty, or atleast cute.
Now take me, not drop dead sexy hot and gorgeous, but not bad looking either. Pretty tall, sporty build (not frail or anything), blond, blue eyed, a bit tanned, freckeled. A standard russian looking girl. Very virginized. Pretty innocent. Pretty horny. I have had infact had girls hitting on me before. And ofcource I flirted back. I mean who wouldn't. And what a better way to boost confidence. BUt I never have actaully be sexually attracted to a girl before, so I can safly say I am strtaight (with a bit of a poufing trendencie but let's not talk about this right now ;)
| Choco goodness [ Sept. 01, 2004 ] |
Mmmm hot chocolate is addictive. Especially if I put a little bit more cocao powder, and a little bit less sugar. I get this rich dark chocolate taste, a bit bitter. And then the mini marshmellows add the desired sweetness. Mmm.
Yay for russian bittorent sites. Woop, new released movies on torrents. Nyayhha I can understand russian and you can't. Just kidding. But really though, it's kinda awsome. Now I only need to find time to watch them all.
By the way, I ended up going to sleep at 8 am... And slept till four. Woppe. Just what I need to do before school starts, eh? Oh I sleep my needed 8 hours only, but in exact opposite time I actaully should.
| Make me SLEEP [ Sept. 01, 2004 ] |
Well diddle dee. I think they put something in that powdered chocolate. Becuase it is five in the morning and I can't sleep. And not the type where I run around the house bouncing off walls type of unsleeping. And not the type where I sit at my computer and stab at my keyboard blindly talking to some depressed little girl across the world about her problems with her half witted love interest. It's the kinda of unsleeping where my eyes are trtying to close on me, but my brain woun't shutoff. I have been laying in bed trying to fall asleep to audio books of Harry Potter (yes, ok be quiet, they work wonders of putting me to sleep, usually...) But after about two and half hours I decided that enogh was enogh, got out of bed, shut the damn thing off and now typing away. Please PLEASE make me go to sleep. It's all that damn sugar. First a huge mug of hot coca with those damn floating marshmellows. Then it's the chocolate syryp. Shuttup, I had to trty if it really worked. I woun't be suprised if tommorow I break out in hives.
Heh, although I did figure out what to do with that HP journal. It will make an awsome sketch book. Just for HP stuff. I need to sharpen my cartooning skills anyways. Not like they are ever existant. But it will be fun, I can draw lewd crecatures of Snape. Teehhe.
Finally it's raining again. FINALLY. But damn, I just know that tommrow it will stop again.
| A fieled trip [ Aug. 31, 2004 ] |
I really love Thrift stores. I really do. They are loads of fun, especially with friends. Once everymonth, we have an outting with a coupl of friends, almost like a fieled trip. And today was one of them. Well I will not go into the details of what we found there, becuase that would just be endless. But we ended up sorting through shelves of books and carrying out about a dozen. It's really amazing how cheap books are there. Ofcource not all books are rally worth buying, but if you go through a bunch, you can always find what you like. And for 50c to a dollar, you can buy what evvver you want. I ended up getting a couple of Anne Rice, a book on photography development, two book on wines and wine making for my dad, and my most prized find, a completly new and unused Harry Potter Hogwarts Journal! Hehhhe. It's totaly awsome. With all the little stickers and everything. (Funny thing, there are ony stickers of two houses, Gryfindor and Slytherin, I wonder why) The whole thing is very childish and silly, but I just couldn't not buy it.
I also got some bathoils jars and a decorative wine bottle for my dad to put his home made wine in. Also found some awsome fine champagne glasses, and some cute little ones. While my friends settled on old records and some more books.
Which reminds me, I realllly want to dowload the three Harry Potter movies. Really really really.
Been attacked with viruses! Need to save compy! Downloaded some ripped antiviruses via DC. Gonna try them out right now.
| LIttle black book [ Aug. 31, 2004 ] |
I have this little book, oin which I write down wuotes which I like, or lyrics or just short poems. Everytime I write in it, I just think that in the future, when the book is full, I can read it, and rember so much of which I would have already forgotten by that time. Which is why I kinda contemplating of getting a real diary. One with pages and lines and everything. So in the future I can open it, and reread it. And not fear for it to get lost in the information mass of the internet. Ofcource that would have to be a real diary. A massive leather bound book. Maybe a sketch book. One of those black bound ones. That would be cool.
I was even thinking of writing HP fanfics when school starts. I mean I need to do something to pass time in school, and that's where most writers write their stuff anyways. Plus, why not? I never did actually try writing fics. I don't really know why. It was always so foreign to me. Fic writers were always something untouchible, something that I could never be. But, maybe I actaully will have some talent. Maybe people will actually read my stuff.
| Stop acting like a child. [ Aug. 30, 2004 ] |
Why is it when I take example from my mother's actions, I get the 'I can't live with you anymore' talk. One of her favorite things to do to me and my dad is the cold shoulder. IF she is mad, or upset, or just moody, she doesn't talk to us. The silent treatment. Me or my dad would ask her something, and bam, silence back at us, and she would continue doing what ever she was doing before. Now, when I am mad, or angry, would it be fair not to talk to her when I feel like it? Wouldn't you say so? Apperantly that's not the case. All of a sudden I get the 'There-is-no-way-we-can-live-together-under-one-roof-so-finish-highschool-and-get-out' accusing talk. And dear god, let me try to tell her that I am just taking an example from her. The doors start slamming, the cups start clanging, and I get a different version of the same talk. The yelled one. I'm tired of it. Really, I am. Sometime my mother acts like a child. I should get angry back at her, but I just feel disguisted with the stupidity she shows for a woman her age.
| Married life? [ Aug. 30, 2004 ] |
Well whoptedoo, my mommy just told me something very interesting today. Apperantly she expects me to be married in four to five years. Go figure.
| Oh yea... [ Aug. 30, 2004 ] |
All the progress in the world was achieved by lazy people. It's just the battle of the laziest, the ones who can be overpowered by their laziness to work and think of a machine to their job for them.
I think my life has a whole new light to it now.
| Of dust and friends [ Aug. 29, 2004 ] |
Oh you know what's exiting? Well I'll tell you what's exiting. Exiting is that Japan has taken it on it's duty to make the Harry Potter expirience as real as it gets for us. (ok, not really, but anyways) While we were cleaning out storages at our drama studio, we stumbled upon some old, but very awsome polaroid cameras. While we were gawking at it and pawing it, one of the guy who was helping the clean up told us, that in Japan, at their latest "sciencec fair", the invention that won the first place award was... moving pictures! Yep, some braniacs have invented a camera that take little 'polaroids' that have 30 second clips on them. So theoraticly, they are exactly like wizarding pictures. Yay for Japan! XD
As you can expect, I was quite exited at this little detail. So ofcource I couldn't wait to tell that to my best friendy who was at the time cleaning out some other rooms next door. Now, while I am usually a hard worker and all, cleaning out dusty rooms with old, useless junk is not really at the top of my priority list. So ofcource I got a little bit offtrack at some time. And so I goofed off a bit. No need to get all mad at me. But ofcource my frriendy did, and when I bounced over to her saying, "Guess what, this is so exiting, you know how Harry Potter..." And I was cut off by a rud "No I don't and I don't care" That really hurt, even though it wasn't supposed to hurt so much. I got just a tad offended. And ofcourcee I haven't spoken to her since. But what has bugged me the most was that when someone else has asked her what was wrong with me, she just said that I was brooding because she yelled at me because I was goofing off. Which is not the case really. If she doesn't even realize what made me mad, I don't care then to make up.
Now to my hair. I copied out some recipies, and I tried this one.
Mix:
2 egg yolks, 2 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil, 1 tsp of honey
massage into hair and put a baggie over it, leave in for 30 minutes and then wash off in luke warm water
It seemed to work, not completly though, I think I put too much honey in, and plus I added some lemon juice and some vinegar. Next time I'll do it completly right. It did really help with my dry ends thoguht.
| Bad hair day. [ Aug. 29, 2004 ] |
Now kids, if you want to dye your hair, and not sure what colour you want to dye it, DON'T get Ash blond. Yesterday, me and my friend decided to get hair dye for me and do some at home dying. Weeeeell... We ended up buying Ash blond base colour, and light blond streaks. So... we dyed the hir and when it dried, it was freaking gray. I almost had a cow, while my frfiend laughed herself to tears. I didn't really find it that funny, but we ended up laughing like maniacs anyways. After I've done the streaks though, it looked fine. We even used up some of the left over streaking creme to give her some random ones too, in her copper coloured hair. Looks good, we decided, after I got to cut her hair a bit. Teehhe. Gave her wisps, two little bangs. Looked awsome if you ask me. I think she liked it too.
But I really think my hair turned out way too light... I was going for more of a mixed blond, some darks, but now it's sunny california beached blond again. Bleh. Going to go on some russian sites, looking for natural ways to darken hair, Maybe I'll find something interesting. I really hope to fix up my hair a bit. =D
And I found some recipies. Now I will write them down, and trty some out, and then the ones that work I will post here. Sounds like a plan?
| Diaryland or LJ? [ Aug. 28, 2004 ] |
Hmm, I amserioulsy contemplating moving myself to LJ. I really do love diaryland, it has been nothing but nice to me, through all my 4 accounts... But I just don't know. While lj does not let one expand their artistic and creative side by making their own layout, (which actually might be good, becuase then people wouldn't need to worry about such) all of the slash HP communites do reside in LJ. And I mean all. It's creepy, but I have yet to read a fic of a an author who did not have an LJ account in their use.
But I am so very comfortable where I am... Greatbiglie will not be moving from it's respectful place, that's for certain, but I am very not sure about splin for the moment being.
I feel I need to vent. Where is my venting music. Belive it or not, I listen to Dido to get the stuff flowing.
You know, nothing happens in our circle of friends without me knowing. I kinda find that funny. Or creepy, but everytime, I pretty much know about everything, and when a friend questions me about something, and I already know, it's funny to watch their reaction. And it's true how I say, I do know most of the stuff when it happens, even if the event was supposed to be a "secret". I laugh at that, becuase let me thirty minurtes with a person, and all the "secrets" are now for my public speculation.
Which brings me to another very interesting observation. I rember oncee telling my best friend that I am very much interested in goals. I see something that I crave, something that I need or want, and then I set out to get it by all means possible. And when I do achieve my little set goal, I loose interest with unbelivable speed. So I guess, in some funny way, the best way to keep me iunterested and around is to kweep me at an arm's distance. And that's exctly what my friend does. While someimes being more seet and nice and, well giving more affection to her other less close friends, she makes me want to stick around all the time. And it works, and I think she is pretty smart for doing to, even thought it drives me up the wall most of the time. Becuase as all Taureans are, I am extramly possesive of the people around me. =P
| Meh [ Aug. 27, 2004 ] |
I am restless. Help me I am being swallowed up by boredom. My ear tingles.
| Yes? [ Aug. 27, 2004 ] |
You know, I am really better off as his friend. I can see him kiss someone else, and not hate that poor girl. Knowing full well that for that one moment of bliss, she is going to cry many many times yet. That's what they get, for being with him.
But still I cannot help myself from hating her, all the same. Becuase you know, I heard somewhere she doesn't even like him. How very funny.
| Poke an earring! [ Aug. 27, 2004 ] |
Ok well, I have sucessfully pierceed my ear once more! This time it was much less exiting and all, I just went swipe, poke, poke, poke, yelp, jump, yelp, poke, jab, push, jam, ow and wham, there it was poked throgh. It did hurt like a bitch in the end. So there you have ladies and gents, a second hole in my ear poked by me... That totals it out to 5 piercings. ... All in ears, thank you very much. Now I was sitting and icing my ear off, and I belive I have given myself brain freeze in the process.
I've been sitting around and manhandling the idea of selling vids of one of my friends coming outta my shower, with a little clad towel around his waist, and even doing a little dance for the camera. I wonder how much I can get for that from some certain female induviduals. I wonder if I can hassle.
| Of kiddies and friendships [ Aug. 26, 2004 ] |
When I was coming back home today, I saw a group of kida in the seabus. While the ride is quite long, I got to observe them. They had two or three shaperones, and for some reason, 'orphanage group' just set itself in my head. I don't really know if it was really an orphanage group or not, but what has gotten to me is how the kids acted around eachother. The group had a range of ages, about 15 kids ages around from eight to maybe thirteen. Ofcource like all normal kids do, they chased eachother around and yelled and laughed and all the usual. But when one girl tripped and fell, all the boys nearby rushed over to help her up. And they got up and made sure she was ok and then continued with their game. But one boy around her age of eight or nine stuck around with her and took her hand and led her around with him while she wiped her tears away.
Why I thought it was an orphanage group, I don't really know. It was just a feeling I got. And not like they were dressed that well. But they were happy. And that was good.
I am planning to pierce another hole in my ear tonight. We'll see how it goes. *crosses fingers*
| When I grow up... [ Aug. 25, 2004 ] |
When I grow up:
- I will try not to yell infront of my children
- I will call my old friends regularly
- I will take the time to listen to the rain
- I will listen to new music
- I will allow for my self to buy expencive things
- I will still cry at movies
- I will belive in magic
- I will find the time to read
- I will be kind to strangers
- I will make sure my kids are proud of me
- I will love the same way I do now
- I will change
| Understand [ Aug. 25, 2004 ] |
A girl once told me "There is no one else but him" after she was dumped by a boy. I told her, "Ofcource there will be, just you see, eventually you'll find someone else!" Through tears she sobbed out that I didn't understand, that she will never love anyone else more then him. That there was no one else for her. She told me I didn't understand. Only I did understand hun. You were the one who didn't understand. You told me it was the end, and five days later you were swapping spit with someone else. You found someone else to love. Finally we have something incommon.
| I wiiin! [ Aug. 24, 2004 ] |
Yes! We have contact! Thank you who ever you are punkzunite for updating in the last ten minutes, so I saw your diary in the newyly updated ones, and I stole your code, and I made my own little table work properly! Yay! Plus, nice Snapy layout there. Right on.
Ok, the username to my other diary thingy is biggreatlie. Go look it up if you aren't lazy, it has a pretty (saly non HP related) layout. I have somehow kept myself from using HP in that layout. Wowy. I guess I wanted something pretty and simple, and automy feely. It worked I think.
| Party disaster. [ Aug. 24, 2004 ] |
Well... Lets begin with the fact that I now officially hate sleepovers. Well, ok not really. But I still like the idea of sleeping in my own bed for the time being. What happen you ask? Well a birthday party gone terrible. So I went to this birthday party. And damn that girl has changed alot. Me and a friend pitched in for a joint present together, a sterling silver necklace of two fine crafted snakes intertwined together. Duh, I personally loved it, I mean... Draco.. do I have to say more? My friend liked it too, he agreed that it was very nice so we pitched in and bought it. And it cost us a pretty penny too. So ever if you don't really like your gift, shouldn't you atleast pretend? I always make such a big deal out of presents, even if maybe I don't really like them... But omg, the main thing for me is to make the gift bearer happy and satisfied! Cuase see, the girl we bought the necklace for didn't really seem to like it that much, even though about everyone else in the room did. My guyfriend seemed to be kinda put off by it, man, I felt for him, really. But I reassured him that she knows nothing of good jewlry and that the necklace was stunning and if I got it, I would love him for ever and ever. (Ok, so I'm hinting a bit, so what, it's allowed) That made no sence what so ever, but whatev, it seemed to make him happier.
But back to sleepover gone bad. Somewhere in the great process of cutting the cake, eating the cake and then making a huge mess, someone scratched the table. After seeing that, her respectful parents flipped out. They called her upstairs to have a 'talk'. Well that was the push for this buggy down hill. She came down bitchy, bitched at us to be quiet (wtf you might ask, yes belive it) and some of us more selfrespecting (and catty) like moi and some other induviduals basicly told her, ok, what the fuck are you talking about, we are 15 drunk teenagers in one room and you are telling us to be quite? Who was she kidding. So in the morning at nine we all got a quite rude awakening and ushered out of the house. Bleh, well I'm not happy to say atleast. I find her and her parents extreamly rude. This exct thing happen last newyears, only then we were kicked out at five in the morning, not nine. God I'm never going to her house again. I hate being uncomfortable, and I hate things that make me uncomfortable, and everything about her, her little house and her pathetic little family make me uncomfortable.
Althought I did get to gloat when three of the stupid more sluttier girls were not invited, and they got publicly (ohhh) snubbed. Ahh sweet revenge. I even rubbed it in a bit, calling one of them from the party. Nyahahah, I'm going to hell.
Finally I got around to stick some table together and made that diary fic review site. You know that one I told you about earlier, where I'm going to stick all the fics that I've read. Yippe. I'll post a link tommorow or something, it's not completly done yet.
Things are going great with him btw. I belive we are gaining the past lightness around eachother. I think it smells like frfienddd-shiip~
| Serene naps [ Aug. 21, 2004 ] |
WAking up after a nap is the strtangest thing ever. I woke up after having a suprisingly weird, but pleasent dream thinking it is time to get up and get ready to go to my friend's birthday party. But I just couldn't understand why the room was so dark... I had no clue where I was, what was happening or what time, day it was. I really do hate waking up after naps.
I have this very unpleasant feeling that I can't shake off. It actaully not that bad. I mean the rain really relaxes me and puts me at ease and I am generally happy, but it's like this weight is on my heart for some reason.
Spent a bit of time on deviantart.com, this time, no not in the drawing section. I was actaully looking at the photography sections. Looking for some inspiration I guess. I think I found some.
| Photosession [ Aug. 21, 2004 ] |
I went out and took pictures of raindrops.
| Realization 101 [ Aug. 21, 2004 ] |
Like a bunch of rocks fell on my head, I have been awaken from my little denial bubble. After having a bbq over at my place, I have had my eyes opened. And I I'm happy. I want to laugh and smile. I am over everything. I am over. It is over. But he's only begining. I took down my old GW Duo poster. Why? I love that poster. I really do. But I would really prefer to have a nice big poster of Draco to put in it's place. But nothing is ever happening to my Duo plushie. That plushie is never going anywhere. I adore that plushie. Although... A draco and Harry plushies would have been awsome awsome.
Finally it's raining. Well now that I look outside, it's not anymore, but you know what I mean. It was. I hope it keeps at it for a while. For tomoroow too. So I can wear some nice warm confortable clothes. Blerh.
| Pathetic [ Aug. 20, 2004 ] |
Sad... Truly pathetic if you ask me. Went to look for a pic that is something other Tom Felton related. I'm sure you can guess what I ended up with. I will yet again end up with a Draco themed layout. Although this time I'm hoping for something Draco and Harry. I actaully found a reaaaly nice pic of Draco. And there are a couple of really nicee Harry ones so I'm sure I can splat something table lookingish together... Now that just brings me back to the fanfic reviewing diary. I would really love to make something winter scene themed.. Nicee white and blackish, gotto go find that pic... Got to love that fake snow.
Btw, Hermione actress chick is pretty. I think she is hitting on Tom Felton. Figures.
| Itch Itch [ Aug. 19, 2004 ] |
I am seriously concidering putting a counter in here, just out of curiousity, but then again, I really couldn't care less how many people read this. But still I'm too curious... Way too curious...
I still have that itch in the back of my head to make that new layout. I think i will just look for a nicee pic... Not going to trty to make anything, just look.. I swear.
| Nutcase [ Aug. 19, 2004 ] |
I droped my camera, it stoped working. I proded it. I fixed it. It's working. Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy. Alriiight. I couldn't be more proud.
| Want change? [ Aug. 19, 2004 ] |
I stayed up yesterday lying in bed trying to think of things I hate. I think I fell asleep after the first thing. But really, I think it is all just a tad morbid if you ask me.
But I have still been toying with the idea of making a "Fics read & review" diary. For HP fics I read, so I would review them all the same. From one point I realy want to do it becuase it would give me a nice place to keep track of all of them, but then I'm just way too lazy I guess... Just thinking about keeping it makes me kinda scared. Becuase the only reason I can keep doing something is when I am not pressured into it. Just when I realize I require to do something, I loose all interest and want. (Now that makes me kinda scared for my future job status) I really don't want to spoil the fanfic reading this for me.
And yet I still am stuck on the idea of changing my layout.. How sad.
| Completly lost it... I think.. [ Aug. 19, 2004 ] |
Well you know what? When I'm scared, I run. Bite me. When I'm uncomftrouble, I run. When I'm mad, I usually bitch and then run. And that's that.
Eversince deleting those files, I feel this longing. And I just can't get it out. It sticks to the insides of my brain walls, dripping in careful patterns on brain floor. I think I shall solve our little plumbing problem with sleep. After this entrty and some pawing around, it's sleep for this little girl. Righto.
You know what, I want Draco and Harry to be real. In my little mind, they are in a very real way. AS long as it is real to my mind and sences, it is good enough. Can we say denial? Just watch me crack in a dozen of years and end up in a nutcase house. Even now I often wonder, maybe I am very little bit crazy. And you know, everything just leads me to bealive that we are all just a little bit crazy. Just a tad, really.
But this Draco and Harry obsession is just not healthy, it is like 1x2 all over again. And yet again I am making a realization, and that is... obsessive much aren't we? An obsessive nature is not a healthy nature. My ass. I can obsess in my crazy little four wall brain all the hell I want as long as I don't start spurting pointless violence left and right.
Must rember... call friend... invite.... must not forget. Ok writing on hand it is.
Talked to an old friend today. One I haven't talked to for a looong while... Well more like I ignored for a loong while. Not cuase I don't like her. Just becuase she just happened to be along with the things I sweeped under the carpet. Just dust under the carpet. But it was nice to talk to her again. Adds a little bit of sanity to my day. So maybe if I talk to her a little bit everyday, I will not loose my sanity completly. I'm not really worries about loosing my mind, becuase it's always going to be there. I'm more scared of it completly taking over my brain. Becuse you see, it's the one of us two who's insane here. Shhh don't tell anyone.
| Olympy my friend [ Aug. 18, 2004 ] |
Hassled my dad into exchanging our pathetic Kodak camera for something better. And ended up with a funked up Olympus! Who would have thought. I love it. The pictures it takes are sexay. It made me want to use colours again. Now that's some cool shit. Total gangsa style. ... Ok, the purchase of the camera did not make me loose all use of the proper language. I swear. Really. ... IT eats batteries like crazy thought. I need to get me on of those 14 battery packs. Cant't wait to drag it around with me everywhere. I know some really awsome places that I could exploit. Yay. Off to upload some of the stuff to the bucket.
And there I cleaned out my bucket. I suddenly feel this very hollow loss with all the stuff I deleted. Oh well. I dont use it anyways.
But here are some examples of what the new Oly can do:
| Frozen bricks of what? [ Aug. 18, 2004 ] |
Painted my toe nails bright pink couple of days ago. Never done it before. Why? Saw it on another girl, found it pretty flirty. Really like them, I think they will look hot with black flipflops. And generally felt like being very girly in the last couple of days. Need to see to that.
Man, I am permanently hungry ever since I got back! And the sad thing is, I feel like I could eat a horse, then I cook myself that horse, and I can only eat like three percecnt of it. Dang. So much food left over since the last three days. That's reminds me, want some heated up lasagnia... Good idea. In theory, that's pretty disguisting. Becuase I really could not tell you how old it is. All I rember chopping it into about 20 pertion sized slices and putting each into a seperate ziplock bag. And dumping them into the freezer. Really. Pretty damn bad. Oh well, what's the worth that can happen, another food poisoning? There's is vodka at home, so neverfear. A table spoon with salt knocks you out fro about 10 hours. Then you wake up as good as new. Tested and approved. Try it next time. Ok, I think my food is ready.
| Back and perky as always. [ Aug. 18, 2004 ] |
Ok, new page since I'm back, it's fitting, woun't you agree? I am baaaaack! Camping was fun. Man that sounds so lame. But really, when was camping with 20 teenagers and one to none supervision. Plus, it gives yhou time to ponder. I mean there are only so much stuff one can hide for two weeks between four tents and no privacy. Really, there is so much stuff I want to spill out and try to sort. I've come to many ephiphinies over and over, correcting the previous one over and over again. First I thought I ralized that everything I told myself about just wanting to be his friend was a big lie. I think it was just the overwhelming feeling from feeling close to him and beng welcomed at the same time. But then after choking on surges of stupid jealousy, I had one more realization. Yea, I want him, I want his warmth. But no was do I want him that special way. See, that little realization just came to me couple of hours ago. Something that I read him home. And I was amazed. But after reading further, I saww the main difference. I am not turned on by him. At all. Yes, he's hot, good looking, his skin is soft, and his musclues ripple under your hands in that special sexy way. But I don't get that urge to be with him in a sexual way. And hey, I'm a healthy late teenage girl. I should have that sexual pull. And damn right I know I should. But I don't. And I really don't see myself dating him anyways. So might just as well give up on these realizations. Bleh.
Discovered that I really do dislike the female sex. Except for my brst friend only. Hah, even tho sometime I wanna smack her around for a good measure, but really, she is the furthest from girl I know. Personality wise I mean. She is so... un girly, it's refreshing. But anyways back to hating the female sex. Spent the last 3 nights sleeping in the guys' tent. First our superviser kinda grumbled ab out it, but then got used to it when I came out of their tent everymorning. I thinl she secretly understands how much easier it is to get along with guys. Oh, another thing I just realized while typing this. I think why I can stand my best frriend so well cause she doesnt give me competition. Out goals and priorities are just way too different, so things I strive for, she just doesn't find worthy to spend her time on. And vise versa. But we still enjoy eachother's company verymuch. She helped me out with alot of my ephiphanies during the campout. Really. Plus she doesn't care when I ditch her for the guys. Or atleast she doesn't show it. Good enough for me. It's her fault anyways, I would gladly take her along. But as I said, that's on the bottom of her to do list.
I make descisions waaay too fast. Was so frustrated at my MD today, wated first to smash it, then to sell it and buy an MP3 player. For now I think it's fine, thank god. *knock on wood* Plus I kinda want to make a new layout, but not really cuase I really like this one. Plus waaaaaaay too lazy. You know me. Not bothered enough. Plus this one is sooo hot. Don't you agree?
